A while ago, one of our local radio stations had a contest for which caller had the most embarrassing moment. As soon as they announced it, I ran to the phone and called in. No thought was necessary. I knew in an instant that the moment that would be etched in my darkest memories forever, had a chance of winning this contest.
Setting: Cocktail party before an Ohio Wesleyan University fraternity’s formal dinner dance. On the veranda of a restaurant/catering place. Live jazz music playing.
Characters: My hope-he-becomes-my-boyfriend, lots of people I wanted to impress (I was young and insecure), and me.
Scene from Hell: As I sipped my glass of wine, I felt that the night was enchanted. I was with people with whom I wanted to be. The music and wine made me heady. My off the shoulder dress was stunning.
And then the Pterodactyl (okay, maybe it was just a regular large bird) flew overhead, and dropped a large amount of bird poop on my shoulder. It slowly dripped down my shoulder towards my breast.
I won the call-in contest. Dinner at a comedy club. How fitting…