I need whiskers….

My husband says I’m not clumsy.  He says I just don’t pay attention to where I am going.  That I’m always thinking of 4 things at once.  I guess where the walls are doesn’t count as one of those things.

We’ve lived in this condo for 3 years now.  From the living room you walk down a short hallway and turn right. Almost immediately there is a bedroom/office on the left and a bathroom across from that.  At the end of this very-short-hallway is our bedroom.  Let’s see…..365 days in a year X number of times I’ve walked up and down the hallway and take that turn X 3 years.  So 365 X 20 (estimated times I walk up and down the hall) X 3 is…… No wait that’s wrong.  Where’s that stupid Common Core when I need it.  365 days times 3 years equals 1,095 days. So let’s try again.

1095 X 20 = 21,900

Hmmmm……Is it possible that I’ve crashed into the wall while taking the turn a little too close in the hallway TWENTY ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED TIMES????   Of course not.  A much more realistic number is 21,000.  I’m sure that 900 times I haven’t banged/smashed/bounced off the walls.

Did I mention that I’m on a blood thinner for a heart thingy?  While I’m on a math analogy streak, I’ll tell you ladies and gentlemen that….

blood thinner + bouncing off walls = really bad bruises

Probably the one word that my husband has heard uttered the most often in our marriage is OUCH.

Except the time I tripped on my pajama bottoms and tore (make that severed) my rotator cuff.

tripping + blood thinner + severed rotator cuff = STUNNED SILENCE

Then OUCH.

Don’t be completely shocked, but I’m not an athlete.   I’m a bruisealete.  Contact sports for me means walking into a table because my head is turned because I’m watching football while I’m getting coffee and OUCH.

Then it all began to make sense.  According to m.petmd.com, cat whiskers send “information about the surroundings directly to the cat’s sensory nerves, giving it a heightened sense of feeling and helping the cat to detect and respond to changes in its surroundings.”

The answer to my wall-bouncing, blood-thinning, black and blue problems?

I need whiskers.

About Barb Knowles

The things that are important to me are family, friends, teaching, writing, languages and using my sense of humor to navigate this crazy world. Please join me on this blogging adventure...
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15 Responses to I need whiskers….

  1. Paul says:

    “Bruisealete” haha

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Glazed says:

    With all those bruises, I hope your husband doesn’t get dirty looks from people who think he’s been beating you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Mama says:

    I would also benefit from whiskers. The worst thing is when I’m carrying the Baby through a doorway and fail to account for the additional width created by his rather large head. *THUNK….WAAAAA!* Oops.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. LOL. I didn’t want like your post initially because it felt like I’m making fun of you, but liked it as it’s funny. Yeah..We all can do with whiskers.😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hope Floats says:

    I doubt whiskers would save you. How many stories have you read about cats stuck in drain pipes, ceilings and? Yah…didn’t think of that did yah? Anyway, nature has given all women opportunity to grow whiskers if you are patient enough and can avoid the panic that ensues when you do discover one or twenty…. MeanOpause hits and, WHAM! You got whiskers.

    Liked by 1 person

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