Of course, it wasn’t funny at first.  But with hindsight, looking back 27 years ago, a lot of things that happened then, and still happen now, are funny.  I realized that when we have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners at our house, the “oh do you remember when Sister did…..and then Brother did…..” and we laugh so hard that tears are coming down our faces, they are “divorce memories.”

And I’m absolutely not condoning divorce in general, nor mine in particular. And I’m not mentioning, except just in this sentence, the horrors that cause divorces and that divorces devastate the children.

So here are some funny stories that grew out of our divorce.

Backstory:  My son, who is my youngest child, was about 18 months old when we divorced.  He has no memories of us living together.

In the early 90’s, the Boy Scouts or Cub Scouts had their version of Girl Scout Cookies.   I forget exactly what it was called, but I think it was Tom Watts or something like that.  They would bring this box around, and sell cool stuff like flashlights, batteries, screw drivers and other stuff that I can’t remember. Probably a lot of you guys remember what this really was and can let me know.

At any rate, we lived in a town house style condo, and there was a bathroom next to the front door.  Son was 4 years old.  I went to use the bathroom and as soon as I was indisposed, the doorbell rang.  Son yelled “I’ll get it!” and came flying down the stairs like a bat out of hell.  Of course, my immediate reaction was oh no.  I said “WAIT I’M COMING!!”  I heard him open he door and a man say “Is your father home?” Son answered ” How would I know?” And slammed the door.  I burst out of the bathroom and opened the door to a stunned man slowly walking away with his Scout son.  I told him to wait and explained that Son’s father didn’t live with us and he was being very literal because he didn’t know if his father was home or not.  Then I bought a lot of flashlights.  Oh!  And light bulbs!  I just remembered the light bulbs.  I had to explain to Son that the man didn’t realize that Dad lived somewhere else.  Everything is perspective.

Then about 4 years later, Son was invited to a sleepover at the home of a boy from his school.  He was so excited.  His first sleepover!  At about 7pm I got a call from the boy’s mother (who sounded really annoyed and frustrated) that I had to come get my son.  I could hear her son crying in the background.  The other mother said that Son kept saying “Where is your real father?” I actually laughed, which didn’t help the situation, because I immediately realized what had happened.

I had never taught my son what a nuclear family was.

I went to get him, and he was crying because he couldn’t understand what had happened.  He said that he was just trying to find out where the friend’s real father was because the man who lived there couldn’t be his father.  Sooo……I had the unusual conversation “In some families, honey, both the mother and father live together.”  Son was SHOCKED.

When Daughter #1 was in middle school, she won an award at school.  So on award night, my ex, his wife, my boyfriend and I (plus Son and Daughter #2) all met up in the lobby and went into the hall where the awards were being given. We filed into the row together and Daughter #1 just about threw a tantrum. With clenched fists and hissing through her teeth she said we were embarrassing her because divorced people CAN’T SIT TOGETHER.  NO ONE ELSE’S FAMILY WAS DOING THAT.  I told her to chill out (but in the vernacular of that decade). She should have been happy that we got along okay and were there to celebrate with her.  I think she stamped her foot.  I said we aren’t moving so sit down.  The moment passed.

And now we get to the present.  Grandson asked me “Why aren’t you Uncle’s mom?”  I replied because Grandaddy and Uncle’s mom were divorced.

WHAAAAAAAAAA????????  Is that why I have 4 grandfathers??  “Yes, honey, yes it is.  And that’s why you have so many people who love you.”