Grandson: Mamoo, you aren’t a stereotypical grandmother…..you’re legit.

Me: What’s a stereotypical grandmother?

Grandson: One who knits ugly sweaters and does boring stuff.

I’m legit.

That was such a cool compliment. He did have an ulterior motive, though, because he wanted me to take him to the mall. And the idea about knitting sweaters must have come from TV.

Notice he didn’t mention the scarves I knit. None of my grandchildren wear the scarves, so I’ve stopped knitting for them.

This is the part of the post where I want my own children to stop reading. 

The standard saying is that we love our children unconditionally. And that our parents loved us unconditionally. That isn’t exactly true. I love my children with every cell in my body, but there are some issues with that.

With our children, we get mad and feel guilty about their transgressions. What did I do wrong? I am a firm believer in natural consequences to inappropriate behavior. If I were going to take one of my kids out when they were in middle school or high school, and they were rude about it, or threw a fit about it…..natural consequence. I wouldn’t take them. Oh, what a responsible mother I am. A bad report card? Oh no, I didn’t help them enough. Or what is wrong with them that they aren’t studying enough?

Every achievement and every bad decision they make reflects on the parents. Great achievements? “They must have had such a wonderful upbringing.” Every bad decision? “I wonder what goes on in that house.”

Such pressure!

But then the grandchildren arrive. Total unconditional love. No guilt on our part. If they screw up, we think of ways to help them. No taking credit away from them by thinking of their successes, phew, we did a good job.

Is it because we’re a generation removed? Maybe, because in my case, they don’t live with me? Sleepovers are awesome, visits a treat. Perhaps it is our visceral reaction to seeing our DNA is being passed down to yet another generation.

I think it’s just love, without our putting conditions on that love.

My opinion. But, to my grandson? I’m……





About Barb Knowles

The things that are important to me are family, friends, teaching, writing, languages and using my sense of humor to navigate this crazy world. Please join me on this blogging adventure...
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13 Responses to #legit

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    Not being a grandparent yet, I can neither confirm nor deny, but I do relate to the guilt of parenting and the pressure that comes with society thinking every wrong move our kids make is our fault. But of course, I’m more than happy to take credit for the good stuff. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Paul says:

    “One who knits ugly sweaters and does boring stuff” hahahahahaha

    You are legit, Barb. Now what are your feelings about blog songs, 1 country removed?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ann Coleman says:

    You know, I am just now beginning to recognize this with my new grandson. I loved my kids fiercely from the moment they were born, but from the moment they were born, I also worried (excessively) about them. With the new baby, I don’t worry! I just enjoy him. And I think a big part of that is that I don’t feel the pressure of, “Can I be the right kind of mom?”
    You are so right that too many parents take credit when their kids do well (especially in sports and academics), as if it is a reflection on them. And too many people blame the parents when kids screw up, which they all do some way or another. It’s no wonder we have a hard time loving them unconditionally! Thank God for grandkids, is all I can say! Loved this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Barb Knowles says:

      Thank you! And I love your comment. My cousin’s son is a professional musician and composer. He told me once that it drives him crazy when family members (he was NOT referring to his parents…nor to me,lol) say things like “What a great song. You take after your mother’s side of the family.” He said why can’t people just say they like what I accomplished? That was so telling to me. I’ve tried to be cognizant of that and not compare my kids to each other or to me. But as you and I both said, it’s pressure on everyone.
      But those grandkids……


  4. You know, “Legit Mamoo” would make a great title for a book. Just sayin’. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Garfield Hug says:

    Whoo hoo! #legit! As a daughter, I feel the same pressures of taking care of seniors. I feel that I can never do enough and yet I am so tired and strained by the whole thing. I wish I could be better really!

    Liked by 1 person

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